Little house in hood

[eerik0]

Little house in tha hood


Me and my homies used to live in this little house
It´s like a thug angel being with us

Thaat house is full of bad stuff
Cause we used to like to drink n smoke there
Drinkin hennesey on the table
sleepy homies were not able to roll

I need to get back at home hurry
Settin some steps eyes blurry

Dear mama don´t worry
I get home so soon
Ma didn´t understood
I was livin in hood

She said you hang with criminals
Find yourself some new friends
But ma please understand me
Thug inside but never kills me

Verse
We are our own family
In this little house
We can understand Each other
We´re never left Each other


Still teenager hangin around
Some girls come around
May be a trouble again

Some of them make good memories
Some of them make it waste
Or some sexy lips to taste

Don´t blame those bitches
There are also male bitches

We get tired of them
One time we need them

Little house but never stop
Talkin bout some worries n problems

But we all were worried
cause our parents said
Maintain distance of alcohol n weed
But we live in this little house
Push through some pain n say...

Verse
We are our own family
In this little house
We can understand Each other
We´re never left Each other.

[regina111]

Good, but this time I was crying again.
My bad. :S

[Omar]

few grammatical mistakes .. but i really liked the poem .. well done [MENTION=8962]eerik0

the ending was really cool ..

[eerik0]

maybe you can fix those mistakes ?

[RiotRiotRiot]

[MENTION=8962]eerik0

nice foundation here.

Whenever you write something make sure to read it back to yourself out loud. If the rhythm doesn't match up to how language is spoken naturally it won't read nice either. This is very important because you can use it to affect the meaning of the words. If something is meant to be jarring, then your language can be filled with a lot of stress and lines that end abruptly etc. Also keep in mind how many syllables you use in each line. Something that is consistent will produce a more enjoyable reading experience whereas right now it is all over the place here. Also remember that a poem doesn't have to be long, spend more time on less lines really bringing out what you are trying to say and you shouldn't need to write refrains where you repeat yourself.

Right now I think this eads more like a prose piece than a poem. If you focus on some of the things I described and look up some basic poetic concepts online like alliteration, enjambment, metaphor, and simile it will really enrich the ideas you already have.

All my teachers have told me the same basic thing when it comes to writing: If you want to learn to write, you must first read and read a lot. I used to write in my notebook for hours but I didn't bother to do much reading. Once I did I found all sorts of awesome ways to express myself. Money doesn't matter, you can go to the library or find many e-books online for free. Also: always revise. Before I submit something, I write down my intitial gut reaction and then I take time to refine it many times before the final version.

[Laceylace]

[MENTION=8962]eerik0

nice foundation here.

Whenever you write something make sure to read it back to yourself out loud. If the rhythm doesn't match up to how language is spoken naturally it won't read nice either. This is very important because you can use it to affect the meaning of the words. If something is meant to be jarring, then your language can be filled with a lot of stress and lines that end abruptly etc. Also keep in mind how many syllables you use in each line. Something that is consistent will produce a more enjoyable reading experience whereas right now it is all over the place here. Also remember that a poem doesn't have to be long, spend more time on less lines really bringing out what you are trying to say and you shouldn't need to write refrains where you repeat yourself.

Right now I think this eads more like a prose piece than a poem. If you focus on some of the things I described and look up some basic poetic concepts online like alliteration, enjambment, metaphor, and simile it will really enrich the ideas you already have.

All my teachers have told me the same basic thing when it comes to writing: If you want to learn to write, you must first read and read a lot. I used to write in my notebook for hours but I didn't bother to do much reading. Once I did I found all sorts of awesome ways to express myself. Money doesn't matter, you can go to the library or find many e-books online for free. Also: always revise. Before I submit something, I write down my intitial gut reaction and then I take time to refine it many times before the final version.

This was a nice little read...sad at times and I liked the ending.

Great advise here on writing u have given...I think I am gonna take that and try my hand at some writing myself when I get the time..