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Opening Up - This is real its straight me

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  • Opening Up - This is real its straight me

    I cant seem to understand
    what it takes to become a man
    its so hard, i need a plan
    but the harder i try, the more i can't
    get a grip of reality,
    when my friends all mad at me,
    God help cure my insanity
    why the girl i like dont like me,
    why does my ex think she has my baby
    im 15 and soon to be apart of a new family
    the girl happens to be a close friend
    she doesnt want that relationship to end,
    my friends wanna stab me in the back
    3 of my homies this year been clapped,
    and 2 been attacked, i cant handle it
    i cant re-act, i pack and unpack
    please god im asking for a sign something
    dont leave me down here struggling
    parents are giving up on there oldest youngin'
    they dont trust me anymore and i hate it
    their feeling eat at me and i cant contain it
    i drank myself near death,
    my homie saved me before i had my last breath
    i moved to harder drugs, i hallucinate
    why cant i get over it, i wanna re-create
    all the situations i fucked up in life
    the shit that cuases so much strife
    I start to cry myself to sleep
    my enemies wanna see me deceased
    and everyone else cant give me peace
    why does everything happen to me
    massive amounts of shit to drink
    the money spent of all kinds of trees
    im so fucking depressed
    i feel this huge pain in my chest
    and this weight when i try to rest,
    im having thoughts about suicide
    but even then i feel i wont be able to hide
    it's like i have have no escape
    and all im left with inside is hate
    i cant image my mindstates shape
    my soul and being is shattered
    all my thoughts is scattered
    please im making a reach for help
    the only 1 that can help me i know is myself
    but its so hard that i dont know what to do
    i hope no one on earth is going thru the shit I go through
    cuase we feel every pain
    and its worse then a game
    and i know it gets worse with age
    my life has come to a constant suffering
    im living and breathing but feeling nothing
    everytime i hold the bottle im clutching
    i cant control anything, im so hopeless
    inside it hurts so much that i wrote this
    cuase it so true
    nothing i can do
    alone anyway, hope no one make my mistake
    the love you get dont misplace or erase
    cuase that feeling of friendship and trust is so fragile
    but for me everytime i see a friend im so agile
    im out of contact with my emotions they run wild
    know everything im saying is true
    and sorry im placing it on all you
    joseph my brother this means you to
    but dude, please help keep it true
    you always been a true boy
    and havent treated me like a toy
    my bad if i ever get outta hand
    this fucking shit i keep inside i cant stand
    now wether you love or hate it
    im still thinking and about to debate
    should i end it now, or sit and wait
    for something to re-create or get great
    but i think im getting my hopes high
    and i dont think ill be satisfied
    i walk around just waiting for my life to end
    although i try to have a good time and just pretend
    i think ill give it up and face reality
    all these sins are comming back to me
    and it like a rage of sadness attacking me
    but im gonna put my faith in miracle
    cuase im not ready to go
    and to everyone like me, lifes a bitch but you aint alone
    remeber im stuck in this never ending hole
    looking for that light in the tunnel
    which never seems to come, its horrible
    but i wanna reach out to everyone
    because i wanna be understood
    incase i die at 15 wether in the hood,
    or because im not living any good,
    or because an angel said i could
    but most likey cuase im feeling this alone, during my childhood

    if you dont agree with what say or believe it, thats ok dont but dont deny it or hate or talk shit, cuase its all real and im being true here i wanna get my feelings out after a really bad night where i felt so close to death that i was talking to angels, i opened my eyes 1 of my friends was yelling the other balling her eyes out and just i feel like its hard to put things into perspective right now. Respect.
    Last edited by Celph Titled; 05-24-2009, 04:15 AM.

  • #2
    is a bit long 2 read it all for me, but looks good

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    • #3
      god damn cut it down a bit

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