Me And I

[Shady El-Shafie]

Remenising myself when i was younger
all i remember when i felt hunger
i had no one,i was falling under
what makes me crazy,i see life through lots of eyes
i dunt want to,it makes me paranoid
so what shall i do when its now a steroid
believe me im going under
havin my head shacking to go up,suffering
i got my life,trying to make myself god of my self
just waiting for the rain to hip
to remove some of my deep pain

[Princess K]

you started of good, but somehow i felt it got lost at the end, a more potent line to end it wud have completed it altogether, but it was good tho, keep it coming.

[Shady El-Shafie]

i know look if hows the poem going :
-old past [1st 3 lines]
-my suffering now [lines 4-8]
-my feelings now [lines 9-11]
and tho started strongly at begining and im reducing the rhyming,literalical word usage to give some kinda of empty scheme,flowing with my feelings of emptiness..got what i meant ?