Every Girl Verse

[knoccout310]

checc this verse i came up with for tha Every Girl track lol
boredd leave feedback





I c u starin likee u wunt it lil mama so dont act shy
im knoccout baby aka ur first blacc guy
and once u go blacc they say u neva go bacc
i switch cuz i hit n quit that putty cat
i thought i saw a putty cat datz wut ma dicc sedd
i call him tweetybird cuz he gotta big head
i got u laffin n blushin grabbin n touchn
soon ull b likin n succin then succin n fuccin
and i dont wunna fucc evrygirl n tha world
im runnin thru theeze clams still lookin 4 a pearl
but it seemz i cant find her(ha)
so in tha meanwhilee im introducin maself 2 u nd ur vagina i
i got u girl wit me cuz shee likez how i duz it
anyway i hit i knoo u gon luv it andd i lovee ya girl cuh she a RIIIIIIDAAAAAH
that thang aint tha same after knoccoutz ben inside her

[Cesare Borgia]

Lemme help ya out here and clean this up so that people can read it, for future reference i will not reply to lyrics that are presented in a jumbled misspelled mess.


I c u staring like u want it lil mama so don't act shy
I'm knoccout baby aka your first black guy
And once u go black they say u never go back
I switch cuz i hit n quit that putty cat
I thought i saw a putty cat, that's what ma dick said
I call him tweetybird cuz he gotta big head
I got u laughing n blushing grabbing n touching
Soon you'll b licking n sucking then sucking n fucking
And i don't wanna fuck every girl n the world
I'm running through these clams still looking 4 a pearl
but it seems i cant find her(ha)
So in the meanwhile I'm introducing myself 2 u and your vagina
I got your girl with me cause she likes how i does it
Anyway i hit i know u gonna love it and i love ya girl cause she a RIIIIIIDAAAAAH
that thang aint tha same after knoccoutz ben inside her


Where to start, where to start....when writing, at least attempt to make it readable, all the funky spelling makes it hard as fuck to read with any kind of flow to it, trying to insert a gangster accent into text is just dumb and sounds stupid.

As far as the actual rhyme goes, your structure is way off, some of your lines are out of whack and would never work over a beat, for example, the first one is 17 syllables and the second is 12, then at the end it falls off again after being fairly consistent for a bit.

The word play leaves something to be desired, for me it's just to simple, i don't need a million multis to be happy but a few here and there to sweeten the deal wouldn't hurt, much of the lyrics seem as though you were having trouble finding a word to rhyme and just kind of "Settled" for what you could come up with at the time, like you had a case of writers block that you tried to work through, some of the lyrics just come off as plain childish such as the "puddy tat" part, it just seems as though it jumps from thing to thing without any meaningful way.

All in all, i think you should take a bit more time and think your lyrics through a little bit more before you begin putting them on paper, at least have a concept of how you want it to play out beforehand such as how you'd like it to begin, how it will transition into the midway point and how then mid section will connect with the ending in a cohesive way

[knoccout310]

umm thanks for the constructive criticism but that was just off the head cuz
just a freestyle that i recorded to the "Every Girl in the World" instrumental
it aint nuthin but a freestyle which i had No trouble whatsoever coming up with
and dudee im 15 years old so im not trynna b all professional im havin fun with this rap shit and doing my beatz
andd since it was a freestyle i don't remember exactly what i sed thats why the structure is off the putty cat ryhme makes since im talkin bout pussy and makin a reference to tweetybird
soo yea again thanks for the pointers thought ill keep that in mind when i really write some shit