SO IM GONE

[MR. ROJAS]

i was raised a bad ass 4 once poppa smacked my azz
only after i spilt his beer in tha tall glass
hopin to god one day these beatings go away i tell my momma dont cry
i fell to my knees and all i can do was pray
wipin the tears from my face
i gots no food in my plate
another welfare abused family on christmas
under the tree milk eggs and peanut butter
from the government i bet they think its so innocent thats all they get
abandoned and abused i ran away couldnt take the pain
walkin in the rain i learned to slang in the devils game of catch me if u can
clenchin guns and hiding from the sun
wit my only reason to survive is to last and be better than the last life
just found out my momma died and my bastard father was the one droppin the gun
so i got my own, clearnin thoughts all i could hear
were six shots out tha glock and the door bustin down
leavin the rest 2 the fucking cops
never take me alive i ran away from home
and now my momma died
shot in the back and cornered
on the damp ground cuffed up and nervous hiding the pain
mad as hell u should of shot me again
in a jail cell sentenced 4 life
clenchin my face wit the same tears i cried last year
reminisin the night i told my momma dont cry
realizin all i did was lie and all i wanna do now is take my life
will i fly or burn?
anywhere is better than here
nex day in the yard some one pulled my card
and all i heard was the alarm to fall down
im about to be gone now blinded in this life of tears fears
and noone cares i dont hold on so im gone.

[spike]

"abandoned and abused i ran away couldnt take the pain
walkin in the rain i learned to slang in the devils game of catch me if u can"

my favorite part, nice rap

[Franco]

I like the story in this, but I don't like the rhymes, they seem too simple? If thats a way to put it

Also, for future reference, try to expand your vocabulary, add more power to your lyrics.

[Soopafly DPGC]

Not bad...some lines are very long, while others are short. Perhaps trying to keep your bars down to roughly the same length would help. I can picture you having to rap very fast to squeeze all your words in on one bar, then going really slow at other parts when the lines are short. Seems like that'd make for a choppy song.

[Heather]

^^^ I agree with what Soopafly.
I would try to even out some of the lins! But all in all very cool!

[MR. ROJAS]

sometimes when i ryhme i tend to make a poem all of a sudden or it turns out to be a story.
i got too much on my mind ill know next time thanx for reading and the rundown

[Soopafly DPGC]

you've got some talent there for sure, keep it up!